“Alone in a crowd just like a jailhouse, but I’m reaching for something real. And I’m sure on the street there are people just like me who know the way that I feel. I’ve heard from the fools and I’ve followed the blind, but I’m not going to be defeated. Now I want to hear from a truthful source, ’cause I’m sick of being cheated. So-called educators are just big speculators on topics unrelated to me. Filled myhead with school; now what do I do? No wisdom just a paper degree. So many people teach, so many people preach, and make a claim to authority. But I’ve seen in their lives, they compromise, so why should they be teaching me. College, money, family. Will these things set us free? Make your mind up soon you’ll be dead. This world’s like a dream, it’s not what it seems. You think it’s solid but it fades instead. I know so far I’ve been looking real hard, and I’m trying to get a grip on reality. If there was a place where you didn’t lie, cry, die, would you come with me? It’s my quest, my quest for certainty. In an age that’s plagued with absurdity. A quest I’ll try my best, to manifest sincerity. What more do they want from me?”

Nine years ago I started my magazine called Quest for Certainty which was based on the above song by Shelter. Nine years later I still find myself reflecting on life and feeling the same way the song expresses. I’m reaching for something real, while all too often finding myself fade instead. It goes much deeper than I’m willing to express on this blog. But devotees will probably understand this emotion to some degree of having to deal with the inside and outside world at the same time. It boils down to questioning our own beliefs and our sense of identity. And I’m still not sure of how much I can let go of my western identity. I’m an attached man, split between different worlds that are said to be harmonious when properly centered.

and that’s the whole trick, add some weight on one side and remove some on the other, see the pendulum swing and at one point you’ll find equilibrium. but it sure seems to take a long time before i’ve found mine. we can always see with so much time behind us, this is a mere detail…

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